The following is the full Transcript from the Gaudrian Demonstration of their Ulala Rites at Pritchard Park, downtown Asheville, on May 4, 2025, sponsored by I DOSE:

DR. ONYX: “Hello and welcome friends. And welcome also to those who stand in opposition to this gathering. May your right to protest peacefully always be held sacred on this land. 

My name is Dr. Onyx, and I am a specialist in the alien culture of Gaudria. I have been brought in as a translator by the Inter-Dimensional Organization for Symbiotic Exchange or IDOSE, who are the sponsors of today’s Culture Exchange experience. It looks like we are ready to begin.”

Intro by Gaudrian High Priest Sorvek and translated into English by DR. ONYX:

“Welcome Earthlings! And welcome my fellow Gaudrians, fellow Joyful Ones. We participate today in this cultural exchange because we believe we can learn from one another and because we know our worlds to be more connected than they seem. Observe us as we perform our fertility rites and join hands with us on this most auspicious holiday—Ullala, that marks the summer’s return.

There is a portal in time that runs through each of us. From ears to mind to mouth. We hear voices from the past with every phrase, and the words and ideas we choose to keep relevant will connect us to future voices. While old stories should not always be trusted as truth, they can be appreciated as understandings that were important enough to endure. Hear the voices of our distant ancestors in this solar cycle’s telling of ‘The Orange Egg’, a story from our ancient history. It’s the story of our two greatest heroes, Snath and Slicha, who saved our world and helped to create another.

And now we honor them every Ullala  by choosing two Gaudrians who best embody the power of their love. This cycle’s Slicha will be our very own Thothis.

Since time immemorial, we Gaudrians would visit the sacred shores of Lake Kalan for the observation of Ullala. More than a celebration, this is a magical rite to perpetuate our species and to deepen our social bonds. We commune together. We seek connection. We dance the first steps of the Tenah, the courtship dance with potential mates. 

As is known to all Gaudrians , underneath Lake Kalan there exists another lake, a subterranean lake, and that is the realm of the Duina— water spirits who come up from their underwater palace every Ullala to gaze upon the activities of our people. To their spirit sight, our frolics on the shores emit a colorful haze which fascinates and feeds them. They feast upon the energies of attraction and in return, The Duina bless us with pure, clean water that is vital to all life!

But dark years came to our people. Gaudrians are industrious by nature, driven by a love of life that manifests as a strong instinct for survival. As some Gaudrians began to hoard resources, others were affected by scarcity. The response of the poor was to work even harder, which led to exhaustion and the corruption of their joyful natures. There were evil spirits at work at that time, yes, certainly. Spirits who prefer the taste of sorrow and the taste of hate. Their influence served to deepen mistrust and to foster isolation. Attraction gave way to repulsion as criticism replaced curiosity. Boundaries were fortified, and bridges allowed to decay. Rituals from the old world came to be seen as archaic and the rites of Ullala were forgotten. The Duina, too, were mostly forgotten. Unfed, they had no means to sustain the vitality of the waters, and over time the rains stopped falling and the lake dried up until there was only a single bowl of water that was kept filled by the few who still believed.

Our world that was once buzzing with vibrancy had become a joyless desert. Eyes were unlooking, hands were unreaching.The only interest: self protection. And it began to feel unfair to bring new life into that sad world.

This could have been the end for us, if not for the heroes, Slicha and Snath. It was Ullala and the two lovers went to the dry lake bed to bring water for the empty bowl. No one else had come this year. They were the last two believers.

They stood together with the bowl between them and put their palms together. As they tuned into one another, Snath became possessed by an unknown spirit, and a voice came through her that was NOT her own

Snath reached down to touch the water, but she felt herself pulled off her feet. Slicha was still holding her hand, and he too was drawn inside.

They soon found themselves in the underwater palace of the Duina, in the subterranean lake deep underground, where no Gaudrian had ever been. Wandering through the corridors, they came to a room where a great golden harp with strings made of falling water stood in the center of the room. In reaching out to touch it, they heard the most exquisite sounds, which seemed to dissolve all their fears.”

In the second room they went into, a table was laid out with a tantalizing feast and glass goblets of pure, sweet nectar. They had heard tales about the dire costs of eating food in the chthonic realms, but they tasted it anyway, and felt renewed.

They went into a third room and felt the warmth of walking on green leaves drenched in sunshine.

The fourth room they walked into was filled with the scent of a thousand flowers, so intoxicating that they barely made it….to the fifth room. 

In the fifth room, to their surprise, they saw something that had never been seen…the beautiful golden face of a glistening being that could only have been one of the Duina…and it spoke:

‘There are great forces at work in the universe. A new world is being formed, and we have intercepted a call for an offering of FERTILITY and JOY. We know these qualities to be rooted in the hearts of all Gaudrians, despite current appearances. And we sense them strongly in you. If you will create such an offering, an egg to be hatched in a different place and time, your world will be rewarded. Although you can never leave this place, by your sacrifice, Guadria will be renewed.’

Snath and Slicha took almost no time to consider. They looked into each other’s eyes and touched their palms together to begin the Tenah.

Into their dance they put all the pleasures of the wonderful sensations they had just experienced, the joy of deepest connection with another, and the fertility of spirit that arises from such a connection.

Up on the surface, the rain began to fall upon the still bodies of Snath and Slicha. But their spirits still roam together in the endless corridors of the great subterranean palace. In time the lake would fill again and a large orange egg would float to the surface, to incubate in the joyful waters until the time had come.”